Heartache Isn’t always feeling lovesick Sometimes it’s Despair Disguised as Inadequacy It’s not enough words - Being incapable of Conveying this much Feeling Is the hardest part of This It’s lying next to your Lover when they Won’t love your body It’s contemplating the Worst Parts Of humanity and Finding them within Yourself It’s that … Continue reading Call
Incompatibilities: To understand why, why I’ve always been filled with This noxious existential dread Why this body has always been a discomfort to me How easily I dissociate from my physical experiences Or worse, internalize them deeply A prisoner in my own flesh, my ribcage Holding prisoner a heart that doesn’t even Really understand that … Continue reading Majority Groups
Fall 2015 It's nearing midnight. I'm at the kitchen table, bleary eyes glued to my computer screen, an umpteenth cup of tea clutched between shaking fingers. I'm one hundred and thirty-two sources into my thesis literature review. Thirty PDFs are open in Google Chrome tabs. Another word document peeks (barely) at me in the corner … Continue reading Reflections on Undergrad
These words were written as an unsent note to a lover on a sleepless night in May, after a conversation on antidepressants. As a caveat, I do experience happiness, though for the past few years I've been wondering if the way in which I do is more akin to the way someone with tritanomaly experiences … Continue reading On Serotonin Deficiency
There’s a hole in my leg, long filled with granulation tissue - a small, circular scar. An area of my lower left leg began swelling one day; I noticed it in a bathroom stall at school. It was slightly warm and a little bit painful on palpation. By the time I got home, the swelling … Continue reading On Abscesses
The day you disappeared from the internet, my heart was seized in a vice-grip of anxiety which quickly transitioned into anger. Perhaps you’ll be pleased to know that you still can have this effect on me; perhaps you’re utterly indifferent, which is preferable but I sense isn’t quite the case. I have a feeling your … Continue reading Unsent email #2
a tiny bit of belly on her post-eating disorder body « I love the way you are, the way your mind works, love the way you look, » he says and smiles a cascade of words and water around them and pulls her, bare, into his own bare arms one by one, four years of conversations are … Continue reading she.