Well, today is the CaRMS Application submissions deadline. I've submitted seventeen applications to my field of choice, spanning fourteen schools. Some of my colleagues have applied far more broadly, some far less; some are still wrapping up their applications, taking advantage of the final five or so hours we have to make edits. I'm waiting … Continue reading A Partial Exhale
Connections Made and Missed
We sit together in silence on his couch, eyeing one another in a way that is both overly familiar and yet strange. The guitar rests on his lap, protected from falling by a gentle hand. This moment feels intimate, borderline uncomfortably so, and I'm briefly thrown back three years to a train stop in eastern … Continue reading Connections Made and Missed
You don’t owe anyone your story.
I’ve had a lot of people reach out to me over the course of the past year, primarily since speaking at an “Our Stories” event hosted by the uOttawa Faculty of Medicine (that was an incredible experience – it was such a privilege to hold space with so many and to hear so many heartbreaking/inspiring/tragic/hopeful … Continue reading You don’t owe anyone your story.
Car Chronicles (Upon Another Sleepless Night)
This marks the third night straight I've been unable to sleep. This is possibly the most "woe-to-my-first-world-problems" entry I've ever written. It's meant to be funny, is supposed to be quite tongue-in-cheek, and probably comes across as rambling. Saturday night was a "Back-to-Ottawa-BBQ-Birthday-Bash" for my lovely new roommate, during which I met a bunch of her friends … Continue reading Car Chronicles (Upon Another Sleepless Night)
Incompatibilities: To understand why, why I’ve always been filled with This noxious existential dread Why this body has always been a discomfort to me How easily I dissociate from my physical experiences Or worse, internalize them deeply A prisoner in my own flesh, my ribcage Holding prisoner a heart that doesn’t even Really understand that … Continue reading Majority Groups
Anger is an emotion that oftentimes demands to be felt. What's interesting, however, is the fact that it is usually superimposed over other feelings. Fear. Uncertainty. Self-doubt. Hurt. Disappointment. Loss. Guilt. Shame. Three years ago or so, my therapist asked me when it was that I last got angry. I stared blankly at her; I … Continue reading On Anger
Reflections on Undergrad
Fall 2015 It's nearing midnight. I'm at the kitchen table, bleary eyes glued to my computer screen, an umpteenth cup of tea clutched between shaking fingers. I'm one hundred and thirty-two sources into my thesis literature review. Thirty PDFs are open in Google Chrome tabs. Another word document peeks (barely) at me in the corner … Continue reading Reflections on Undergrad
On Serotonin Deficiency
These words were written as an unsent note to a lover on a sleepless night in May, after a conversation on antidepressants. As a caveat, I do experience happiness, though for the past few years I've been wondering if the way in which I do is more akin to the way someone with tritanomaly experiences … Continue reading On Serotonin Deficiency
There’s a hole in my leg, long filled with granulation tissue - a small, circular scar. An area of my lower left leg began swelling one day; I noticed it in a bathroom stall at school. It was slightly warm and a little bit painful on palpation. By the time I got home, the swelling … Continue reading On Abscesses
Unsent email #2
The day you disappeared from the internet, my heart was seized in a vice-grip of anxiety which quickly transitioned into anger. Perhaps you’ll be pleased to know that you still can have this effect on me; perhaps you’re utterly indifferent, which is preferable but I sense isn’t quite the case. I have a feeling your … Continue reading Unsent email #2