At the age of 9, I first saw a psychologist for what my aunt (a clinical psychologist) and my parents believed to be OCD. I had similar phases at the ages of 12 and 15. By my 18th birthday, I had starved and binge/purged myself down to a very low body weight. The subsequent loss of my period triggered my interest in reproductive hormones and my desire to become a reproductive endocrinologist.
Though I talk openly about these issues today, I hid from them for years. I never lasted very long in therapy. I refused medication. I refused inpatient treatment and barely tolerated outpatient. I didn’t want the labels. I desperately wanted to fit in with everyone else, with my peers. As I entered adulthood, however, I began to really understand that I’m far from the only person in the world with these problems. I’ve been dealing with them for years now – anxiety, insomnia, and starving under stress are familiar and reasonably well-managed friends of mine – and am touched when people reach out to me to talk about their own struggles with mental health. There truly is strength in solidarity.
I’m by no means an expert in mental health or psychology. Everything I write here is steeped in personal experience. I’ve always found it easier to write about experiences than to start speaking about them, and this personal writing has been very therapeutic to me. I’m always happy to discuss these things privately as well, so don’t hesitate to reach out – I always like hearing from people and so appreciate the support that is extended to me. Thank you. ❤ These are hard conversations that are important to have.
Posts on OCD/Anxiety/Serotonin Deficiency/Eating Disorders